Farther’s Fathering: A Poem for Little Miss

This is my daughter
She is not my genetics
She is not my blood
She is not my legacy
And she is not my mistake
She was as well thought out
And finely crafted as any work of art
You’d be lucky to glimpse
At the Louvre
She is a metaphor
An allusion
A simile
And an allegory
I use these words because
To attempt to administer
Their mechanics upon her
Would surely be to fall short
I give her the best and the last of mine
Not because she is worthy of that
But because I am not worthy to withhold it from her
She is my worshipper and my god
My student and my teacher
I strive to be a better man
So that she knows what a good man is
My example is her scout
My lessons are her infantry
My advice her cavalry
And my fists are her royal guard
Though this far her enemies will not get
For I have crafted her with resilience and guile
Enough for a dozen of her
I have made sure she is
Powerful
And Delicate
Beautiful
And ass-kickin
She won’t kick ass and take names
She’ll kick ass and forget names
Cause forget those people
She’s better than them

And on the other hand
With her other hands
She will embrace
The faces of grace
Of men and women and children and elders
She’ll lift the weak from the fires in which they smolder
And place their feet upon her shoulders
And with words so sweet inhale their boulders

My duty, as a father
Is not simply to assure she gets farther
But that she betters our mother
Through the lessons in which I’ve taught her
Mine eyes and thoughts upon her
Are as necessary as water
And if once you had pause to ponder
Know that this is my daughter

And you better have her home by ten

 

(I love you, Little Miss!!)

Celebrity Standards

Here’s something I’ve been noticing in my cultural research of South Korea:

It seems that they have much higher expectations of their celebrities. I may even go so far as saying they may be a little over-expectant, though I think that expecting too much from celebrities is better than the near-negative volume of expectations we have for ours. Though even with that there are limits.

I’ve come across two instances of their celebrities being treated… well, one appropriately, and the other, in my opinion, far too harshly.

Little Miss Pissed

Well, we’ve recently begun potty training and it’s going swimmingly.

She spends most of her time running around naked and sitting on her potty, but she hasn’t pissed anywhere but there and, occasionally, her pull-ups for over a week now.

At first she was having trouble with it getting all over the floor, but she’s figured that out.

The only thing we’re having difficulty with currently is, for some… I can’t even think of the proper term… She plays in her piss.

What the hell is that?

She’ll step in it and put her toys in the pot… no other kid does this, but there she is…

She’ll grow out of it someday, but it’s still mind-boggling.

There’s got to be some sort of mental process that factors this into her behavior since she’s always had a problem with taking off her diaper at night and painting her bedroom walls with shit. And, despite having no friends who have had this problem with their children, it’s apparently common enough to be marked with a cutesy little title for the toddler in question.

“S/He’s our little poocasso…”

I guess it can’t be that rare.

Either way… whenever she learns what embarassment is, I’m sure she’ll stop. Until then… Lysol is my friend.

It’s Official!

Well, I think I’ve pretty much exhausted my options to the point that I am now fully exhausted of options.

I asked about it on answers.com and I even asked someone on Facebook that a friend had pointed me towards and I haven’t received an answer anywhere. I’m thinking that maybe it’s more dumb luck than nobody knowing, but who knows?

So, now I’m fated to find out what it’s like to raise a daughter as a single father in South Korea without any sort of foresight.

That’s life. That’s what all the people say.

Should be interesting to say the least and maybe this will help some poor bastard in a similar position someday. Either that, or help some bored folks through their cloudy Sunday afternoons by exposing them to my buffoonery. That’s right… I said buffoonery. Deal with it.

Culture Surfing

The internet is awesome.

I was curious what I can expect from South Korean culture so I decided to look up some of the local music. Highly impressed.

So before this the extent of my South Korean exposure was the film Oldboy (Soooooo good… as long as you turn it off15 minutes before the end…) and the occasional episode of M.A.S.H..

(Farther, you know you’ve never seen a full episode of M.A.S.H….)

Well… Ok, whatever. One movie is the limit of my cultural exposure to the country. There. You happy?

(Are you sad?)

…a little…

(Then I’m happy.)

Awesome…

Anyway, I decided to do a little research on some of the popular music in the country and was happily surprised by some serious talent. Here’s a taste with accompanying YouTube videos after the jump.

Ahn-Nyeong Hah-Seh-Yo!

Hello!

This is my first post… Well, I guess that’s obvious…

(Seriously, Farther? That’s how you’re going to introduce yourself? “Hi! I plan on offering absolutely zero insight in the blog!” Genius…)

What I mean is… Oh, where was I?

(You’re a failure… I’m embarrassed to be your sub-conscience.)

I’ll just start over.

My name is Farther. In three months me and my daughter will be moving to Osan, South Korea. I am learning basic etiquete and customs as well as basics in the Korean language. My daughter is only 2.5 years old so she will get most things through experience. But I’m determined to have “Ahn-Nyeong Hah-Seh-Yo” be part of her lexicon before we get there, at the very least. She’s getting close.

I plan on using this Blog to share all of my experiences preparing for my move and also all of my experiences actually living there. Hopefully, this Blog will be able to help myself, my daughter and my readers.

I also plan on connecting some of these posts with an accompanying Vlog on YouTube.